:)

Ok,so I just figured out that my old blog posts are actually connected to this blog.. fuck. I was really hoping to escape that, but uuh, I guess not.
On a 24hr water fast. Actually, its not a water fast and I need to find a name for it better than a "0 calorie fast." This would be my favorite type of fast, and I can drink coke zero, water and green tea, or zero water - all zero calories.

So, I just heard my parents and my brother talking about how "thin" I am getting. Well, apparently they can not see that gigantic bulge of a stomach I have. And mum and dad were saying how they "have it 90% under control." Yeah, sure. I lie constantly about eating and throw out food, but yeah, you have it under control.. ;/ LOL.

If only they could actually understand though, like, why I do it. Like, people do not understand anorexia. Even those who spend all of their lives councilling it, don't understand it. Anorexia is not a vanity obsessed selfish desire, people don't see that. People don't understand the desire for perfection, and they don't understand that the mirror hurts so much more than the starving.
Well, I am going to try keep this fast going until Friday, where I have to eat as I have an exam that I need to do well in. So yeah, I hope that that works.
I hate that people don't understand why I am doing this. I am doing this because I have to. But I know when to stop. I'm not doing this to die, I'm not doing this to disappear. I am doing this to finally be seen. I'm not chasing death. Death would defeat the purpose. Nobody can see how thin you are if your lying in a coffin? I just want to be THIN.

Analove. <3

Hellooo :)

So, here I am, back again. Ugh.
I used to have a blog that I loved, last year, but it all got to much. Long story short, I spiraled out of control and lost sight of what was important. I spent months on end eating and not caring about it. Or, eating, caring, crying and doing it all again the next day. Pathetic, right?
So, I guess you could say, I was semi recovered. Semi? Well, I'm back here aren't I?
I even had to hide my scale, because once I got over 50kgs again, I could not handle it. But i hope that one day soon I will, well, very soon, that I will be able to break it out again and be happy with what it says.
Honesty hour. I don't care if nobody reads this blog, because this blog is for me. I'm sick of having to hide the settings on my computer whenever I have someone wanting to use my computer, so I'll post everything on this. But if someone finds this blog and is interested, cool :)


All for now. :)